Does it Really Boil Down to Who Gets the Clicker First?

Months after the decision had been made and the retirement papers had been submitted, it hit me. And I was panicked!

For many, many months, we had thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and talked about how it would affect him emotionally and our family financially. Not once did I consider myself - until about two months before that final day would come. And surprisingly enough, it was when we both went for the tv clicker at the same time.

As a firefighter, throughout the 33 years of his career, my husband and I had spent many days, nights and holidays apart while he worked his 24-hour shifts. During the times he was working, I came to appreciate my freedom. I could watch whatever I wanted, eat cereal for dinner, enjoy girl's nights with my daughter and dinners out with friends.  Don't get me wrong. My husband and I are best friends and really enjoy spending time together, but I couldn't help but wonder if that was because we had our breaks from each other every week.

Maybe our time apart really did make the heart grow fonder. 

What would it be like when he suddenly was home 24/7? Would all of the minor annoyances become major deals? Would we have anything to talk about anymore if there were no more work stories to tell?

Sure, I thought about a shift in household responsibilities. After a long day of work, would I come home to a warm meal on the table? A house I didn't have to vacuum any more? I was certainly grateful to know he would be home on holidays and around every weekend.

What I didn't think about was my own lack of freedom. I had lived my entire married life with a husband who was away from home on a regular basis. His being away for 24 hours at a time was sometimes convenient. I didn't have to feel guilty about choosing between spending time with him and spending time doing things of my own interest. What I didn't think about was how to manage being with someone on a constant basis-day in and day out.  

And then it hit me. Most of what marriage and life is is adaptability to change. That, and compromises, negotiations, and honest communication. We'd adapted to a change in income and responsibility when I became a full-time, stay-at-home mom, adapted to my transition to a full-time career as a working mom years later, and adapted to lifestyle changes as our daughter left for college and started her own life. Throughout these changes, we renegotiated our household responsibilities. We worked through the emotional ups and downs, and we always came out the other side stronger and more grateful.  So it would be with this new stage in our lives. 

I’ll remember that when we’re both racing for the clicker after dinner!